Prancing through life!

And I don't mean that as a pun from the hit musical Wicked! :) ... haha Ok ... so I think I'm funny when I'm really not ... but that's ok! Anyway! I have not updated this thing in a long long time and SO much has happened! ... Where to start, where to start!! ... Hmmmm .... Well first I think I will say how I think that my relationship with my Heavenly Father is an Awesome one!! I say this because well ... I have had a lot of choices to make this past month! And I have officially decided that I am SO stinking indecisive! :( .... haha but none the less I have finally made a choice! I have been deciding between a mission and staying here and going to school! I have hit the age of decision! (Yay ...) I really would like to go on a mission for the first time in my life but I feel it necessary for me to stay out here in Utah right now! For what reasons I do not know because I feel it is SO much harder to be out here! ... I mean yes I want to stay out here for my friends and for the great "Opportunities" (like dating as my dad says ...) but I feel I am sinking, sinking emotionally and sinking physically ... I have no idea how to pay for most of what I do ... example School! I have signed up for UVU and I should be starting Jan. 6th? ... but I have no idea how I'm going to do that if I have no money! ... AND to top it all off my car is no longer in working order SO I have no money and no transportation! .... YAY! ... sigh! :) I'm sinking ... And! Well now that I have decided to stay here so many more decisions have come my way! ... MAN! I need a therapist!! I just know that Heavenly Father just loves me so much because if he didn't life would be easy! :) haha ... I have been studying my scriptures a lot and one scripture that just warms my soul so much that I just recently came upon is in Solomon's Song 2:14 (in the Bible) anyway if you look it up it says:

"O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely."

I just love this verse because I just feel that there are so many times where we hide in our fears and hide in all the "problems/trials" in our lives that we don't take the time to, let our voices be heard! ... even in a small way! I let myself do it all the time! I always hide behind my imperfections, my past, my weaknesses and I feel that I loose out on a lot because of it! ... I mean I just feel that because of my stupid ways, I am always in a rut! and I am sure dang tired of ruts! ... I always say I'm going to change it but I really think that I just need to accept things better!!

Feelings are such a strange thing! ... One Second you can feel one way and then the next it can totally change ... I have been having a hard time figuring people out lately! ... I feel I am less trusting then normal and that makes me sad ... I feel that I have been more on edge and well I don't want that .... I guess there is always a lot on my mind! ... I just want someone to be there for me sometimes ... And well I want to be there for them as well! I just wish that I could be smarter in my decisions and well make the right best choices ... I don't know ... I think its getting late and I am making no sense! but what I do know is that I am happy to be alive and that most of the time I am happy with where I am now! but one thing I know for sure is that I am not being lead astray! I know the lord loves me and no matter how many trials come I am learning from everyone! I may not get what I want at the time but I do know that it will all work out for me in the end! I love you all and Im sorry this is such a strange update! :) I hope you enjoyed all the crazy! :) Love ya all! :) ♥ Night